


Prom Queen in Middle-earth

by Ellynn



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Action/Adventure, Fun, Gen, Humor, Mary Sue, Modern Girl in Middle Earth, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24088756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellynn/pseuds/Ellynn
Summary: Girl fell into Middle-earth. Is she the most beautiful? Is she the most skillful warrior? The best healer? Maybe... and maybe not. Let's see what would *really* happen if a typical modern-day girl fell into Middle-earth.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> To simplify things, I decided that Common tongue in Middle-earth = English. If it was not, my dear heroine wouldn't be able to communicate with Fellowship members. A story in which she would have to learn language and adjust slowly to that new world, would be much bigger and more serious story. And this is *not* a serious story. :)
> 
> This is one of my old stories, written long before I had an account here.
> 
> Disclaimer: Middle-earth belongs to Tolkien, of course.  
> Disclaimer #2: Middle-earth belongs to its inhabitants – a fact that Amber Aphrodite Crystal, who belongs to me (not that anyone else would want to take her, anyway), will learn in a harder way.

Manwë was leaning over a huge board. There were mountains and deserts, seas and plains, rivers and valleys. A big notebook was in his hands and he was adding some notes to it.

"What are you doing, darling?" The voice of his beloved Varda startled him from his deep concentration.

"Oh, just studying the weather conditions in the western USA. It seems that they suffer several unusually hot spring days, so I'm thinking to send them some wind to cool them. It should help them a little," he answered, feeling excited like a little boy. This was the opportunity to test the new wind device he had constructed the day before.

"Are you sure this will work properly?" There was a doubt in Varda's voice, who obviously didn't share her spouse's enthusiasm.

"I think it will," he replied eagerly. "I made final tests just this morning and everything was just fine."

"Hmmm... you _think_?" She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "The laboratory is never equal to the real world, my dear, and you know that. Have you already forgotten what happened during your last experiment?"

Oh, how he wished she hadn't brought that up... Of course he hadn't forgotten! How could he, when he was constantly reminded of it? And surely, the inhabitants of all of southern Europe haven't forgotten how dirty everything was last year – their cars, or their clothes left outside for drying, for example – when southern winds were a little too strong and whipped up the sand from Sahara and fetched it all the way to them...

"I was more careful this time," he hurried to assure her. "Everything will be all right." _Or at least, I hope so_ , he added in his mind. _Space-time portals should be safe this time._

-x-x-x-

Amber Aphrodite Crystal was walking towards her home. It had been a great day at school. She got an E in biology test, and her parental units would surely be pissed, but who cared about that? She would be the Queen of the upcoming Prom. Daniel, the hottest and the most gorgeous guy in the school would be her date; all the girls would envy her, and all the boys would yearn for her. She smiled. Yes, life was good.

She caught her glimpse in a car window as she passed and smiled again. Yes, she loved watching herself in mirrors. And in all reflective surfaces. Her waist-length blonde hair shone in the sun. Some of the locks were very bright while other appeared dark golden, causing her hair to shimmer with different blonde hues, making her unique. Beautiful curls framed her perfect, flawless face that looked like a masterpiece by a Renaissance sculptor. And her eyes... they left everyone breathless. Dark-blue they appeared sometimes, as if a patch of summer dusk was captured in them, and sometimes they looked deep indigo like a sleepy Caribbean harbor, depending on the surroundings and light. She knew she had the most beautiful eyes in school... in town... and maybe even in the world.

She knew she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Yes, life was good. What more could she ask for? Oh, she knew. She dreamed of being an action heroine and saving the world. Saving Middle-earth, to be more precise. She dreamed of falling into Middle-earth and defeating Sauron. And of marrying Legolas, of course; she had seen the LotR movies and fallen in love with Orlando Bloom. He was soooo cute... and hawt... and he should be hers! No other, be it elf or human, was worthy of him. And she would somehow become an elf and they would live happily ever after. _If only it would come true_ , she thought with a sigh, her gorgeous face lit up with an ethereal smile.

The wind rose suddenly and she looked around, surprised. The street was empty. The sky was grey and heavy clouds seemed ready to release their burden. _Hey, what's up with this? Wasn't it sunny, like, a minute ago?_ But before she could figure out what was going on, a thunderclap drowned the roar of the wind. And then another, closer. She jumped in fear and wanted to run, as her house was not far away. But she could not: she was almost knocked off her feet by a strong blast of wind, and then the world around her went white in a flash of lightning. Deafening thunder filled her ears, and her world went from white to black.

Amber Aphrodite Crystal knew no more.


	2. Why falling into Middle-earth isn't the best thing that can happen to a girl

Amber woke up with a headache. And very confused. She was not in her hometown, in her own street, but on a grassy glade in a forest. _What the fuck...?_ She looked around. _What happened?! Where am I?!? This must be a dream._ Except that she could see it was not.

_Okay, I have to find out where I am and what's going on. But first_... She opened her purse that still hung from her shoulder and took out a mirror. Amber Aphrodite Crystal _never ever_ walked around the world looking anything less than perfect. She gave herself a critical look.

_Oh, no!_ she thought in despair. Her appearance was ruined. She had a red bruise and a small scratch on the cheek, and her hair was a mess. She started ransacking the purse in search of a comb, but then a stern voice froze her in place.

"Don't move! Raise your hands so that we can see them!"

"Ohmygod!" she squeaked in a low voice and dropped her purse. She looked towards the forest but couldn't see anyone. She slowly raised her hands... and then the speaker appeared.

An old man, with a grey cloak, pointy hat and a stick. Two dark-haired men with grey eyes – both hot in spite of their stern looks, she noticed as she stared with her mouth and eyes wide open – then another man, this one blond with blue eyes and even hotter than the previous two, if that was possible at all... And yes, there were some more. But the other five were small and not good-looking at all.

_Hold up_. Her brain was trying to piece everything together, as her eyes registered quite unusual sights. Swords. Bows. Arrows. No modern technology. And they were nine. _Nine_. One of them looking like an old wizard. Four of them looking like hobbits. One, looking like a dwarf. And the blond... he was beyond gorgeous and he had pointy ears. An elf!

"Squeeee!" she let an excited cry. "This must be Lord of the Rings! Ohmygawd! This just must be!" And she started jumping in thrill.

"Be still!" the old man commanded. They exchanged glances. "Who are you and what do you know about the Ring?"

"Oh, just chill, I am your friend," she answered with the widest smile she could manage. At the same time, she was trying to fix her hair, still messy from her fall. "I know all about you, and I will do all that I can to help you. My name is Amber Aphrodite Crystal and I come from... err ..." She stopped, thinking how to explain that. _Oopsy. This might be tricky._ She'd have to work hard on this.

"I've never heard of such a name," said the man who wore a big white horn attached to his belt, before she had a chance to continue. "This is not a name from any language of any friendly people."

"You must be Boromir!" she exclaimed, looking at his horn and shield. "Which means that you're Aragorn. You must be Gandalf. And that means that _you_ ," she turned to the blond-haired warrior, "are Legolas." She smiled softly and half-closed her eyes, giving him a seductive look. One that had never failed her before. No boy in her school could ever resist that look.

_So why doesn't he fall for me on the first sight? Why are his eyes still icy cold and alert?_

"She knows our names and about the Ring. And she has a very strange name, looks very strange and won't tell us where she comes from... I don't like this," Gandalf said pensively.

"I'm not strange! I'm so your friend, really! And it's not that I don't want to tell you where I come from! It is just a little complicated, that's all..." she spoke quickly, nodding. But all she could see in their eyes were vigilance and distrust.

"Where do you come from?" demanded Legolas.

_Oh, shit. How can I explain that I come from another world? That I came here through some crazy-ass magic that I can't understand? And how can I explain how I know all about them?_

"I'm..." she began and then stopped and tried to smile. "Like I said, it's complicated."

"I've never seen such clothes," said Aragorn. All of them were looking at her carefully and with caution. For a moment, she wanted to tell them that she wore not just any jeans, but Diesels, and that no one else in the school looked hotter in a peplum shirt. But just as she opened her mouth, he cut her off. "She must be coming from a really distant place. East, probably, as these clothes wouldn't be comfortable in the Harad sun."

"East? Most probably," Boromir agreed. "Sauron's spy. Or she comes from even more distant lands from the east, where live enemies unknown till now."

_Gawd! Why are they so stupid? Can't they see?_ "I'm so _not_ your enemy!" she cried.

"Then who are you? Speak!" Gandalf commanded so sharply that she jumped. She whined and stumbled.

"What is this?" Frodo asked before Amber could say anything. He held her purse and looked inside. "This must be hers..." Then he passed the purse to Gandalf and Aragorn.

"It's my things! My personal stuff," she answered and tried to take it, but as she moved towards the wizard, she found the blade of Gimli's axe pointed towards her.

"No rash movements, girl," he warned her coldly.

She gave him the most scornful look she could manage, but he remained unmoved. Then she tried another weapon – sweet puppy-dog look. Unsuccessfully, again. Finally, she gave him a piercing, angry glare. But he was indifferent to all her endeavors.

_Grrrrrrrrr!!! &%$$#%%#$#/$!_

"This might be some weapon unseen so far." Amber was startled from her angry thoughts by Gandalf's voice. He held her cell phone, and he and Aragorn were carefully inspecting it. "It has some strange light of its own and emits strange sounds... I've never seen anything like it."

"It's only a cell!" she explained with a smile, but comprehension didn't appear in their eyes. They all continued to stare at her with caution. "I mean... it's a device for communication. Like, a communication device? You can talk to other people who are far away from you, like, y'know, and..."

"And this looks even more disturbing," Aragorn's voice interrupted her babbling. He held her school books in his hands and showed them to the others. "These are letters I've never seen, and I have travelled farther east and south than anyone. And look at those strange pictures and symbols. This can't mean anything good. Who knows what secrets and threats are written here." He frowned.

"Threats?! Those are only algebra formulas!" she screamed. And then she realized her words only made it worse. Algebra sounded way too alien, way too threatening. Not to mention formulas. Their glances became even more suspicious.

Gandalf gave her a critical look. "Strange clothes, books full of unknown spells, written in unknown symbols, strange weapons..." He shook his head. "This doesn't bode well. We can't let her go free. She should remain with us and we must keep an eye on her. Or better to say, two eyes." Everybody in the Fellowship nodded in agreement.

And Amber realized that the big dream-come-true of her life was turning into deep shit.


	3. 21st century city-girl's troubles in the wild

They walked. And walked. And walked. With just one small break, they walked the whole day. And Amber had to follow. Everything was fine for the first hour or so. But then her feet started to hurt. She asked them to slow down a little, but to no avail. They just continued their march. _Are they trying to break the Olympic record or what?_ Even the hobbits, with their short legs, didn't seem to have a problem keeping pace with Gandalf's long strides.

And it was cold, despite the walking. This was so different from her California. She sniffed. The cold wind seemed to penetrate her very bones. They gave her two spare tunics and a cloak, but still she shivered with every blow of the icy wind.

After three hours, she began to think that skipping gym class, which she did whenever possible, wasn't the most brilliant idea. She was absolutely in no shape for walking. But she had never liked physical activities. _They only ruin one's hair_ , she used to say. And her 'do was _always_ perfect.

Thoughts of her hair made her want to cry. She must be looking awful, she thought with tears in her eyes. But her comb, together with her purse, was out of her reach; Gandalf kept it, considering her and her belongings dangerous.

And march went on and on. To her utmost joy.

Amber was never as happy to see the sunset as she was that day. Of course, she didn't admire the golden setting orb; she didn't even notice it. But the coming of night meant that they would go no further that day. She just fell on the ground and remained sprawled out, not nursing her throbbing feet. The others chatted cheerfully, but she felt too exhausted to say anything. She was determined to try to explain she was not an enemy... but not at that moment.

Some quarter of an hour later, she finally caught her breath and started feeling a little better. But then she realized that aching feet were only one of her problems. She needed to pee. And she had used up the last of her tissues at the last stop. _Ouch._ She looked around and spotted some leaves... but they sure didn't look soft. _More ouch_. Since she was stuck here, every next time she would need a toilet, she would have to improvise with leaves... if she was lucky enough to find any, she realized. Some voice in her mind whispered the word "Caradhras" and laughed cruelly. _Ouch, ouch, ouch. This is so not fair_ , she thought. Folks in books and movies never needed to go to the toilet. _Stupid writers!_ But she was in no book; this was reality.

_Since when is an ordinary thing like toilet paper a luxury?_ , a whiny voice inside her wondered. _Since you fell into Middle-earth_ , another voice answered.

After the unpleasant job done in the bushes, she returned to her place and looked around. Now she had another problem.

"Excuse me," she started, and they looked at her. "I need a shower. Where and how can I get it?"

They exchanged glances, and Aragorn was the one to answer. "We all need a bath. But we haven't seen a stream for two-and-a-half days now, so we have to be careful with water. It can be used only for drinking right now."

"B-b-but... but..." she stammered, her lips trembling. "I-it can't be. I mean, I..." She closed her eyes, on the verge of tears. _Since when is an ordinary thing like water a luxury?_ , a whiny voice inside her wondered, again. _Since you fell into Middle-earth_ , the second voice again answered. Did everything conspire against her? She felt terrible: her whole body ached, and even worse, she was all sweaty and stinky. Her misery mixed with anger. _Just how can they tell me that I can't have a bath and can't...?_

The thought remained unfinished and her eyes widened in horror, as she came to another realization. Even if she could have a bath, what would she wear later? She had no spare clothes, but only the ones on her. She'd have to wear the same smelly clothes again tomorrow! And again and again, every single day in front of her.

That was too much for her. Amber Aphrodite Crystal _never_ wore the same clothes two days in a row. She tried never to wear the same outfit twice in a _year_. And now she was supposed to wear the same stinky clothes _every day_? Not being able to wash herself or the clothes? And with the thoughts of how unfair the world was towards her, she started to cry like a baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written back in 2011.  
> But hey, knowing what we know now and remembering scenes from the past few months, I guess we can say that toilet paper is The Most Important Invention ever, can't we? :)))))))))))))))


	4. More 21st century city-girl's troubles in the wild

Night was no better than the day. Okay, at least she didn't have to walk for those few hours, but that was _the only_ good thing. She didn't sleep well, despite being tired. In all her life, Amber Aphrodite Crystal has never known anything else but a warm room, clean sheets and a soft bed. And here? The cold wind made her shiver in the sleeping bag they gave her. Creepy, threatening night sounds made her jump awake every time she started to fall asleep. Roots and stones seemed to be everywhere, pressing every part of her body, not letting her settle comfortably.

Even worse, she couldn't brush her teeth before going to sleep! She didn't even bother asking if they had toothpaste. They had surely never heard about that. _When did an ordinary thing like a toothpaste become a luxury? Since you fell into Middle-earth._ The dialogue in her head was becoming all too familiar.

And above all that, they still didn't trust her. After supper – which didn't taste very good (hey, who would like nothing but tough dried meat for supper, after they claimed it would be too dangerous to light a fire to make a meal and so didn't even _try_ for game?) – she attempted to explain that she was no enemy. The first part of her story held water: she came from very far away, which would explain her strange looks, and she didn't know how she got there. She told them she had suddenly found herself in the middle of storm that appeared without warning, and after a strong flash of lightning, she lost consciousness and woke up where they had found her. She cleverly skipped the description of her world. Perhaps some magic that not even she understood had transferred her here, she suggested. But when asked how she knew their names and so many things about them, she could give no answer they would find plausible and trustworthy. _You know, a writer from my world – which by the way seems to be connected to yours – somehow got insight into what's up with all of you, so he described it in one of his books. And I read everything that would go down._ She laughed bitterly at the thought; she didn't even try to utter the words. They'd never believe her.

Why, oh why had she let them know she had recognized them when she had fallen into Middle-earth? If only she had kept her mouth shut! She'd have more chance if she had played a lost girl who had no idea where she was. She could've faked a memory loss. But no, she didn't think fast enough. Some of the people who knew her would say that her brains often worked slowly. Just like in this case.

So, after a long night, morning found her tired and grumpy. She was sleep-deprived, every part of her body hurt, and she was hungry. But what did they have for breakfast? Was there warm milk, or coffee, butter, or soft bread? No! All they had was the same dried meat as yesterday.

If nothing else, at least she got her comb back. But for the very first time in her life, her looks weren't at the top of her priorities; right now, toilet paper and breakfast were. And could she get them? The first was as far away as the stars, and the second was not the way she wanted. So, after certain things were done in the bushes – ouch, the not-so-soft leaves again – she tried to eat a little bit of the meat, but she didn't like it much. It was too salty and tough for her preferences. But how to tell them what she really wanted? If she mentioned cornflakes or chocolate muesli, they'd only become even more suspicious upon hearing those unknown names. And they didn't have them anyway. So she just sighed and continued to chew dried meat.

While some prepared to leave and some finished their breakfast, Merry and Pippin approached Boromir, asking him to continue their sword-play lessons. Amber observed them; they were imitating his moves as they practiced a fight. Watching their fluid and graceful movements, she was fascinated and delighted. For a few short moments, she forgot her troubles, enjoying the scene in front of her. And it seemed so simple! _I bet I could learn that too!_ She swallowed the last bite of her breakfast and edged closer to them.

"I would like to learn sword-play too," she said, looking at Boromir. All the heads turned towards her – some in wonder, some with suspicion.

"And why?" Boromir asked.

_Isn't it obvious, you idiot?_ "I want to help you fight enemies." _And to become one to help defeat Sauron._

Boromir didn't reply immediately, but exchanged glances with Aragorn and Gandalf. It seemed to her that some unspoken speech passed between them, but she couldn't decipher it. Finally, he turned to her with an unreadable expression in his eyes and with what seemed like a hint of smile on his face, though she couldn't be sure.

"Here, take it," he said, passing the sword to her. "Then I'll show you what to do..."

She took the sword with her right hand and almost dropped it. The damn thing was so fuckin' heavy! She tightened her grip, but could do nothing else but hold it with its blade down, just like she would hold a shopping bag. She then used both hands and managed to lift it, but that was all. She could make no movement with it. Yeah, avoiding gym classes was _definitely_ a bad choice. _I bet ugly Eleanor wouldn't have problems with this_ , she thought furiously. Eleanor was a girl from her class, tall and muscular, who had won school's 100-meter dash championship three years in a row; their coach predicted that the girl had improved enough to be a serious candidate for a state champion. _Stupid Eleanor!_ With angry lightning flashing from her eyes, Amber gave the sword back to Boromir and went away, ashamed and furious.

Soon after, they went on and started the day's march. Her sore feet screamed with each step she made. _The bitch Eleanor wouldn't have problems with walking either, would she?_ And as if it wasn't enough, new trouble was coming closer and closer. The heavy grey clouds that were at first far off on the western horizon quickly drew nearer, carried by the cold, strong wind.

The additional tunics and cloak they gave her were of no avail against the cold raindrops. The cloak was thick and waterproof to a certain point, but it was not exactly made of Gore-Tex. So, she got quite wet. The hood wasn't of much help, either; her hair soon became damp. _When did an ordinary thing like an umbrella...? Yes, yes, I know. This is Middle-earth, and every fucking ordinary thing is a luxury here!_ Her Saucony sneakers were quickly soaked through. She hated everything and everyone at the moment. Her damp, dirty, stinky clothes drove her insane. Every part of her body ached. And besides, she was aware that she must look awful. What a shame for Amber Aphrodite Crystal! What would other girls say if they could now see her horrible, messy 'do? Some of them, especially that bitch Jennifer who wanted to be the Prom Queen, would be really happy and would have a good laugh.

No water. Endless march. No toothpaste. No shower. Cold. Wet. No deodorant. Muscles screaming at each step. She just couldn't stop counting her troubles. Was it really _only a day_ since she fell into Middle-earth?!?


	5. The end of troubles of 21st century city-girl

Amber raised her sword victoriously. She has just saved Legolas and Aragorn from the band of orcs. There were dozens of the beasts attacking the Fellowship, but they simply were no match for her supreme fighting skill. The enemies were defeated now, thanks to her, and a smile lit her gorgeous face. Despite the fight, not even one hair of her beautiful 'do was out of place, and her face was as perfect as ever. All of the Fellowship looked at her with admiration; Legolas' eyes were full of love for her, and she was satisfied.

But there was no time for celebration and enjoyment in their adoration, because she noticed that Sam was lying on the ground, and bleeding heavily. She hurried to him and knelt by his side. There was a deep wound in his chest. Frodo exclaimed in fear and horror, and Pippin fainted. Aragorn approached the hobbit, but seeing the wound, his face darkened; all hope of saving Sam's life disappeared from his eyes.

But not from hers! She was skillful enough to cure him. She took her bag with healing herbs and surgical instruments, prepping herself for surgery, when a pain in her leg stopped her. _What is this? Am I wounded too?_ She could see no blood, but her feet just wouldn't stop hurting. _What the fuck...?_

Amber opened her eyes, and the first sensation she became aware of was the pain in her poor feet. Then she remembered. As evening drew near, they had ended the day's march. She had been so damn tired that she'd laid down in that instant, not even bothering to spread the sleeping bag on the ground. She must've dozed off.

And this perfect scenario had been just a dream! Not reality. _Oh, no!_ She wanted to scream. _Why can't it be like that?_ She had seen enough movies showing modern-day people falling into medieval or fantasy worlds. In stories, everything was always so simple. And yes, her dream was the way the things should've been happening! She should've been awesome and invincible. When and how exactly did things to so wrong? Instead of being awesome and invincible, she was miserable... and she couldn't even lift a sword. Well, so much about defeating enemies.

She scratched her head absent-mindedly; pulling away her hand, she saw mud beneath her nails. _Oh, great! Now my hair is full of mud! I just can't go on like this!_ She turned towards Frodo, Sam and Gandalf, who were the closest to her.

"I don't suppose you have shampoo, do you, losers?" she asked, surly.

"A what...?" replied Sam, confused. The others looked at her with caution.

"Nothing, forget it," she said with a frown. Of course, shampoo was another luxury here. _Stupid march. Stupid quest. Stupid Middle-earth. I'll never get used to this._

_You'll have to_ , another voice answered her. It was the same cruel voice that laughed each time she needed some "luxury".

_Okay, I have to. I will. I will_ , she continued to herself. She suppressed tears of fury and decided to stop whimpering. From now on, she'd be the best tenth walker ever.

Her resolution was put to test just a few moments later, when she saw that for breakfast they'd have the same dried meat like last night. No fire, too dangerous, yadda-yadda-yadda. The result? No freshly cooked meal.

Another result? Her completely soaked kicks would remain exactly that way – totally soaked – till tomorrow and would never dry in this damp weather. She'd have to put on soggy sneakers again tomorrow. _Fantastic! Better and better!_

_I don't want this! I want clean clothes and dry shoes!!! And I want my mom's cooking ... and a burger from McDonald's_... She then sighed, reminding herself of her decision. _Don't cry, Amber._

But then came another test. Her clothes were still sweaty and smelly – actually, even sweatier and smellier than yesterday – and her hair was still darkened with mud. And just like the day before, they weren't lucky enough to find a stream. So, water was to be preserved for drinking only.

Her lips trembled. _Mommy, help me._ She couldn't remember when she'd last felt so miserable and helpless.

She had _never_ felt miserable before. She was Amber Aphrodite Crystal. Queen of the school. The most beautiful girl in town. She _always_ had things her way. Until now – until her long-dreamed beautiful dream – falling into Middle-earth – somehow became true. _Except that this isn't a beautiful dream anymore, but a nightmare_ , she sniffed.

_Don't cry, Amber_ , she tried to encourage herself again. _You are a big girl and you decided to be strong_. She stood up, determined to eat as much as she could to restore her strength, although she didn't like dried meat. But first, she had to pee. _Don't think how uncomfortable the leaves feel, don't think how uncomfortable the leaves feel_ , she kept repeating herself while walking towards the bushes. But then she saw that she had one more problem. Her underwear was stained with red. She has totally forgotten that her time was near; but of course, with so many awful things happening, it was so easy to forget about it.

"NOOOOOO!" she cried in exasperation. This just couldn't be happening. Now, this was simply way too much for her. She had no spare underwear, let alone pads or tampons. And this was one more of those things – besides not needing a toilet – that just never happened in books and movies. Never. Ever. Heroines in the stories never went on the rag. Never. _How did Éowyn resolve that problem while traveling to battle? I bet she didn't travel around with spare pack of pads tucked under her chainmail. And I bet Tolkien didn't even think about feminine problems! Or any other writer, for that matter!_ What the fuck was she supposed to do now?!?!

"Mommy, I want to go home," she whined and started to cry, miserably and desperately. She fell to the ground and didn't get up, while sobs shook her whole body. She cried so hard that she didn't hear the approaching thunder.

-x-x-x-

"Okay, okay, I'm fixing things, see, I'm fixing things!" exclaimed Manwë. Varda was standing nearby with a stern look in her eyes. "Before you know it, everything will be in its proper place." He closed his eyes and concentrated. While his lips were murmuring some inaudible words, he made a few moves with his fingers. In the chamber, each move was followed by a few tiny sparkles; far away, in distant worlds, it was followed by lightning and a blast of wind. And finally, as his shoulders dropped and he sighed with fatigue, the storm died out.

"It is done," he said and opened his eyes. "The girl is back in her world. I set the time, too. She is returned into the very same moment she first disappeared from the Earth, so she was not missing at all. None of them will remember a single thing and their lives will go on like nothing happened."

"I am pleased to hear that," Varda replied. "And now, dear husband, would you promise not to play with tornadoes any more? Especially not close to space portals?" But a bright, merry spark appeared in her eyes and contrasted her dour words.

"I will not," he promised with a smile. "But we can play with throwing little stones, can't we?"

"Always!" she exclaimed. Holding hands and giggling like children, they went out of the chamber and headed towards Taniquetil. Astronomers all around the Earth would be quite surprised and confused that night. And they would wonder how come so many meteors were visible, as no meteor shower had been predicted.

They'd never find the true reason.

-x-x-x

Amber blinked in surprise. What was that? She had some strange sensation that so many things happened, but she couldn't explain it and she couldn't remember any of them.

She shook her head, as if trying to clear her thoughts. She was going home from school, that much she remembered. Everything was fine. Then, out of the blue, the storm started. Or she just imagined it? Well, storm or not, everything seemed to be fine again; there was no wind and the skies were clear. And she couldn't say why the feeling suddenly came to her now, but she thought that her hometown had never seemed more beautiful to her. Also, although she couldn't say why the decision came in that particular moment, she decided to be a better person.

And when she came home, she felt an absolutely inexplicable, but absolutely strong need to hug her Charmin-soft toilet paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, toilet paper... The Most Important Product in history of mankind. :)))


End file.
